The Meaning of Life
by Tyalie
Summary: A look into some of the most pointless existences of Middle Earth. [Mostly OCs slightly OOC. 10 drabble-like things. A bit depressing at first. Some language on Sauron's account.] Finis and Edited.
1. Eowyn and Todo

**The Meaning of Life **Tyalie

**Summary: **A look into some of the most pointless existences of Middle Earth. 10 drabble-like things. A bit depressing, a bit funny.

**Rating: **PG for some language.

**A/N: Hey there. I wanted to give you guys this before I left for New York. (I heart summer). I'm not sure how long I'll be there, so I wrote these drabbles this morning to tide you over. Ok, I don't think any of you would really miss me, but it's my good deed of the...month. **

**Warning, the first few bits might be a little depressing. Only later (#5 or 6 or something) does the humor pick up. They're written by number, almost like a top ten list. 1-3 to a chapter. **

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#10 Eowyn the Sheild Maiden

I was trained to fight. Years and years I have spent sparring and studying, practicing and perfecting. Remember that sword-fighting, spear-throwing, and axe-wielding do not come so easily to anyone, especially women. Those years were full of stinging wrists and sore arms. And now my skills equal, if not excell, those of the men.

So will someone _please _tell me exactly why I learned all that but cannot stand by my King in battle?

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**Look, I did say they were going to be short. Eowyn's story's kinda sad, but she finds meaning later. But it qualifies as pointless to learn all that and not get to use it. **

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#9 Todo, A Shirriff of the Shire

Ah, there's never been much to Shirriffing. Strolling around the country's nice enough. meet some new folk, hear the gossip, drink some beer, and smile at the young Hobbit lads.

But sometimes I feel a right old fraud of a 'law enforcer'. What laws? Who breaks them? What's the punishment? Huh, I could get on just as well as a gentle Hobbit.

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**It's like being a taxidermist among elves. This chapter has been edited 09.10.04**


	2. Orophin and Burg

**The Meaning of Life **Tyalie

**Following in the tradition of forgetting the disclaimer until the second chapter: I don't own Lord of the Rings, I am not being paid to do this.**

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#8 Orophin, the Lothlorien March Warden

Just finished my patrol, all's clear. And what else would you expect? I'm a March Warden of Lothlorien and I protect the borders of a land already protected by a power beyond the strength of orcs and goblins. I'm overkill, me and my two brothers.

Honestly, I don't believe anyone outside out forest know if we still exist. No one's entered our wood for almost 40 years.

Hold on. Haldir says he's heard someone singing near the river. Finally, some action.

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**When I say 'Orophin' I am indeed refering to Haldir's brother. **

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#7 Burg, the Orc

Hey, I'm spawned from filth, slap on some armor, and march to war.

Get there, fire a crossbow bolt, no wait, I'm lucky, I get to hack at some guy. Walk two steps forward and take an arrow to the chest. Die.

Isn't life beautiful.

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**I must say, Burg's a sort of sarcastic orc. **

**Next chapter will be a little late. This chapter edited 09.10.04 **


	3. Miniel, Wilhelm, and Rumil

**he Meaning of Life **Tyalie

**Heh, when I said 'next chapter might be a little late' I meant wait over a month and I'll get around to it. In case any of you are asking, New York was great. (Long Island). I learned how to skimboard...went backstage at a RHChilli Peppers concert...laughed at a funeral...fell in love...ate pizza...skateboarded... **

**Now, I think they get a bit funnier. Another Disclaimer: I do not own Monty Python. **

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#6 Miniel, the Vanyar Elf

Miniel, i eneth nin,

And you can't believe how hard it's been,

Thinking up lyrics and nothing more,

Welcome to Valinor.

After a few millenia, you mind's none to stable.

Quite often times,

We speak in rhymes,

That are quite un-sing-able.

It's over-rated, the west,

And too close when the sun sets,

The whole sky turns from red to orange,

Oh bugger.

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**Miniel's one of my favorites. **

**Oh yeah: /I eneth nin/ is my name. /Valinor/ Where all the elves go so they don't overpopulate the world. Supposedly, it's like California. /Vanyar/ elves are elves that were born and bred in Valinor. **

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#5 Wilhelm, the Rohan Infantryman

What? Rohan has an infantry?

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**Wilhelm is just as confused as the rest of us. Yeah, I was skimming through something about the movie and it mentioned Rohan's infantry. WTF? I don't know if they had one in the books... **

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#4 Rumil the Elvin Historian

Sitting here amid books and shelves and pens, you've really got to wonder. I mean, we're elves: we're going to outlive the books and shelves and pens. The paper will rot and yellow before the yen's even over. What's the point of writing it all down?

What is history anyway? We. Were. All. There.

I quit.

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**This Rumil is not Haldir's brother. He is a character from the HoME (History of Middle Earth) series who apparently did not make it into the later texts. You see, he quit. **

**Thanks to Anduaeru, Paper Crane, and Aisling Niamh for reviewing! I understand completely what you're saying, Aisling, Burg reminds me of those Clone Troopers from Starwars. Both were bred in bulk! Next chapter, #3 and 2... This chapter edited 09.10.04**


	4. Sauron and Arthar

**The Meaning of LIfe **by Tyalie

**Again, there was that great gap between chapter update. However, be cheered! I have vowed to finish this story before my 15th birthday, that is, September 7th. There are two chapters to go, including this one. **

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#3 Sauron, Evil Overlord

Speaking for The Eye of Sauron is The Mouth of Sauron:

I have been searching for that damn ring so long I forgot what I was going to do with it once I got it back. Sure, I might take over the world and enslave all of mankind, but then what? Storm Valinor, I suppose... but then I'd hit the Walls of the World: another dead end. There's always the east... but I think those lands already pay tribute to me... I could just sit up here all day and do... nothing? I'd sooner die of boredom. No, literally. Except, dammit, I can't die.

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**Sigh, I don't think Sauron's that funny. Well I do, but I can't say why yet because thats for another, better fic. Oh right, some background. The Walls of the World are, guess what, the ends of the earth. West of Valinor. Yeah, who'da thunk it? **

**Now for one you guys have been waiting for... **

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#2 Arthar, Beacon Lighter

Day 227:

Nothing.

Day 228:

Nothing. It's bloody freezing up here.

Day 229:

Nothing. I wish we could light the fire just for a little while.

Day 230:

Nothing. Pal said no. Not even a spark. Why'd I ever apply for this job?

Day 231:

Nothing. I don't get it, are we actually up here _just in case _?

Day 232:

Are we even fighting anymore? Oh, Nothing, by the way.

Day 233:

Nothing. Pal bets that they forgot we are even up here.

Day 234:

And now for something completely different, Nothing. I tried communicating with the guys on the other mountain peak by smoke signal. It didn't work.

Day 235:

No-- wait, those other guys are waving and shouting at us. No fair! They got to light a fire!

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**Don't get me wrong, my blood was rushing with elation watching that scene in RotK. But that little voice in the back of my head couldn't resist saying, "Those poor people up there." But I loved it, absolutely loved it. Pal should be pronounced similar to 'Paul'.**

**Next chapter.... due the 7th! AND YOU'LL LOVE IT. This chapter edited 09.10.04**


	5. Caun

**The Meaning of Life **By Tyalie

**Today I'm 15!! And this is my birthday present to me. Trust me, you'll love it too. **

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#1 Caun, the Fountain Guard

Hi, my name is Caun, I live in the 6th circle of Minas Tirith and work for the Crown. You might've seen me around... I'm not hard to miss, bedecked in Velvets and Feathers, carrying the most Absurd weapon ever wielded.

My job is to guard The White Tree. Its a very honorable, dangerous mission, worth the taxpayers money.

Just in case it tears up it's roots and Attacks someone. Or some kid might want to Carve his Initials in the tree. Or even Worse, some Drunkard want to Climb it.

Who'm I kidding? I can't believe this, the things Dead already, who are we protecting it from? Who are we protecting from it? For crying out loud, its a gods-forsaken Tree!

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**I wish you guys could hear me when I say it. It's just not the same if you can't hear me saying it. Anyway, The Fountain/Citadel Guard appear in the movies as those funny guys next to the White Tree wearing feather hats. They do nothing the entire movie. Oh, and I don't know if Gondor has taxes or not. **

**So, I don't foresee anything or nothing in the near future, so check back later and I'll tell you. I am going to edit this fic during the next few days however. This chapter edited 09.10.04**

**Finis**


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